Sick again...

I don't know why but lately I keep geting sick. Sometime last week I had a mild fever and then again yesterday I got a terrible cold and fever. It's not gone yet today. I keep sneezing, my nose keeps running and my eyes watering. I can't do anything coz I'm feeling so uncomfortable. We're going to Didi's place to help them move so if I'm up to it I'll write more later. If not, just wait for tomorrows entry. Bye!

Greek Goddess of Love

Aphrodite/Eros

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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The bit about 'soulmates' I think is something I do truely believe in. I really think everyone has their own soulmate who complements you in every single way. If you've found your soulemate, never let him/her go. As mentioned above, I also believe that you have to stay true to your life partner. No matter what temptation that comes your way, you have to stay strong and never betray your life partner. Relationships and marriage will always experience lots of trials and tribulations so we have to always be ready and always remember why we've got together with our other half.

I hope both Shah and I will be able to overcome whatever that comes our way.

My element...

You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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I dunno if this is true but sometimes I can be like the wind..calm at times but tempremental at others. I'm not quite sure about me being mysterious though and I think I don't really have any magical or inspiring beauty (well, if I do think so I'll just keep it to myself).

Studying vs Working...

This weekend is the last bank holiday weekend of the year but even so I've got lots of things to do. As usual we'll take Saturday off but I have to make sure I work on Monday. I know I shouldn't be but I am kinda feeling bored of my work. I can't wait to finish! Come to think of it I've been studying non-stop for 18 yrs..ever since I was 7 yrs old and I think it's high time I got some rest. But for now I've got to strive hard and finish what I've started. I think I'm not the kind of person that quits half way. Especially when what I'm doing concerns my future. So even though at times I get really frustated with my work progress, I just take some time out and then start at it again. Luckily I find it very easy to get my mind off anything that stresses me out usually by watching TV or going window shopping. Certain people can't distract their minds of their problems so they carry on feeling stressed all the time, 24-7, which can be taxing and dangerous physically and emotionally.

I can't imagine how our life would be after we finish studying. Working life seems very alluring and promising after all the pain and torture that studying brings. When you work, you get to earn more money and you don't have to keep working outside office hours. But I think that's only true if you work in the UK coz in Msia your work never seems to end, especially if ur working in private firms. I'm almost 100% sure that I'll become a lecturer after this coz I don't think it's as physically demanding as being an engineer. Plus I'm kinda having this delusion that lecturers have more flexible working hours but I haven't a clue how true that is. Another work related side effect that I'm dreading is politics at the work place. I don't see that as a big problem here but in Msia it seems that no matter where you work or what job level ur at you can never shirk off office politics. Because of that you will almost never get promoted until all the other senior work colleagues have been promoted and you'll always get bullied by them. I know this is all based on what my family members and friends have experienced but I'm definitely sure this will happen to me too. I just hope I don't crack under the pressure and bitchyness of office politics. I'm definitely sure that workload and office politics are the two biggest problems of working life. That's why people say once you start working you tend to remenisce on your simple and carefree student life while wishing you could go relive ur university years.

So no matter what you choose, studying or working, you'll never be satisfied and that is typical human nature.

Reading..

I've promised Shah I'd do some writing tonite so I've only got a few minutes to put in an entry here. I haven't been doing much since the start of this week coz I have been running some simulations. Anyway... while writing this I am browsing WH Smith looking at the books in their buy one get one half price offer. I really want to start reading again but at the moment I want to get my PhD done first. When I was in school I wasn't into reading but I started to pickup reading as a hobby after I finished high school while waiting to start my A Levels. I used to finish a book every other day and was always going to the rent-a-book shop to get more books to read. I really miss that shop. You go there and pay something like RM5-10 for a book (depending on the kind book) to read for as long as you want. Once you're done with it you can return it back to the shop and they'll pay you the amount you paid for the book minus the rent price of approx. RM2-5 per book if I'm not mistaken. Since I started my PhD I think I've only finished 1 book. I can't wait to start reading again.

At the moment I really want to read Dan Brown's Da Vincci'c Code. The storyline is very intriguing and interesting. And I also want to read the Harry Potter books. I know I'm a bit left behind in the Harry Potter craze but I never was interested in it when it first came out until now that is. I would also like to read the LOTR trilogy novels coz I want to compare the award winning movies to the story laid out in the actual words penned down by Tolkein. I've got to buy these books first but I believe that buying a copy of the LOTR trilogy and the Harry Potter series will be money well spent since these books are must have books in every home library.

OK...my time's up. Got to start work!

In sickness & in health

My supervisor is back from his 2-week holiday so I'll be having my weekly meeting with him tomorrow. Malasnye...I didn't do much work while he was away. Well, I did run some simulations but those were re-runs of previous simulations needed to include in my thesis. I didn't do much on the problem that I'm currently having. That's why I'm a bit anxious about tomorrows meeting. Hopefully he won't ask me too much. I'll just say I've been doing some thesis writing which I have actually been doing.

I've been reading a topic in one of the online forums where this guy asked what will you do if ur husband or wife becomes terribly ill and can't do anything by themselves. If something were to happen to Shah and he got ill, I'll surely take care of him for ever and always. I always pray for both of us to be in good health but you never know what will happen in the future. But I wonder what will Shah do if I were to become terribly ill and can't even clean up after myself. I hope Shah will be patient with me as I pray I will be patient if Shah was bedridden. I just pray to Allah that our love for each other will be strong enough to overcome all obstacles that come our way.

Anyway... enough of that. I've got to do some work now and watch some tv..

To leave or not to...

The last two days has left me with no free time to write an entry. On Friday, both Shah and I got home quite late at nite after spending the afternoon helping Dmat shop and then visiting Kak Zah's place. It's been a while since I visited Kak Zah and every time I'm there I am amazed at her home decorations. She is very skillful at spotting really beautiful tableware and furniture at car boot sales and from the classified section of the Evening Post. She has this beautiful collection of teapots in all kinds of shapes which I wish I could collect for myself. If only I have the time to roam the various stalls at the car boot sale I'm sure I could find some too. But I'll just have to wait until after I finish my work to start collecting things for my future home.

Yesterday we went out with all the other friends who used to and still are living in Dunkirk to bid farewell to Dmat. We had dinner at Taj Mahal restaurant and then came back to our place to have some cake and coffee. It was nice that everyone could come and spend some time together mostly because everyone wanted to say goodbye to Dmat. I wish the same would happen to us when our time comes. If it were me in Dmat's shoes, I'm sure it would have been a very bittersweet farewell dinner for me. I guess he must have felt that too. I just can't imagine how I would feel when the time comes for me to leave the UK. I would be very happy to be going home to my home country for good after 6 yrs being away but at the same time I'll surely miss my life here. This has been the place where I've learnt to become truely independant and live life as an adult. Its here that I have experienced so many significant memories which I will remember for the rest of my life. But you can never be totally at home in another country so I will always long to be back in Malaysia. I just hope when the time comes it wont be as sad as I imagine it to be.

Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik negeri sendiri...

My 'big baby'...

I didn't go to work today. Just stayed at home and finished up writing chapter 2 of my thesis. I'm feeling rather content coz I've sort of finished it. I just need to read thru it and do some finishing touches here and there. Apart from that I didn't do much today. Shah has promised me that he will start writing his blog so I've replaced his website link with a link to his blog. He's also been bugging me to buy him a hedgehog suit ever since we saw the little lost hedgehog last week. I can't understand why he wants it so much..maybe he just wants to hassle and irritate me. I mean where can I find a hedgehog suit to fit a 6 foot tall guy? All the suits are for children. See..it's things like this that makes me call Shah a 'big baby'. Whenever, he goes into his 'big baby' mode he does seem cute but sometimes it gets a bit tiring. But he's my husband so I don't mind. Anyway, his 'big baby' mode always seem to add laughter in our lives and bring us closer together.

My head hurts...

Come night time and I start getting slightly sick. My head is feeling rather heavy and I keep sneezing. Last night I had a slight temparature and I think it's starting to come back though maybe not as high as last night. Just when I was in the mood to do some thesis write up. Well, I'll just have to see if I'm still up to writing after I'm done with this entry.

Nothing much happened today. I've finally backed up my research work in less than 30 mins using the portable hard disk. If I were to use CD's I'm sure it would have taken me all day. This afternoon at around 4:30pm it rained real heavy with bouts of thunder and lightning. Shah and I were stranded at the office coz if we were to walk home we would surely be drenched and soaked to the bones. We wouldn't be able to use the umbrella too...afraid to be struck by the lightning.

Well..my head is really hurting. I guess I'll stop here for now.

Good night, sleep tight,
Don't let the bed bugs bite,
See you in the morning light!!

Portable Hard Drive & lace

My new portable hard drive arrived this morning as was promised by the company I bought it from. I know it would have been cheaper if I got it from Msia but I really need it. Wish I knew about it's existence last year when I had to make CD backups of my simulation results coz my computer kept breaking down. Until now I have used up almost 30++ CD's (of 700MB each) just to backup my work. If I had this portable hard drive then I would have saved lots of time and money. More importantly I might not have lost some of my work coz there was a time when my computer crashed and some files were lost coz I was so lazy to do backups. I can't wait to start backing up all my work. Then it'll be easier for me to write up my thesis at home coz I'll have the results with me.

Shah and I went to Hyson Green to have lunch at Khyber Pass and met Dmat there. He's gonna go home to Msia for good soon so after lunch we all went to The Mill Factory Shop to look at some lace curtains. I have always wanted to go there and have a look at their lace curtains but just never had the chance until today. I have to say the have some really nice designs. Actually, this particular factory shop has less options compared to the lace factory shop at Junc 28 on M1. Even so, if I were pressed for time and I couldn't go to Junc 28, I would be satisfied with what The Mill Factory Shop had to offer. So before I go home I will have to go there and buy some lace curtains. Even though I won't have a house of my own, yet, I think I'll just buy some anyway.

Diamonds...a girls best friend

Just watching QVC again (okay..I have to admit I'm quite hooked on this channel) and they're having a show on Diamonique jewellery. Diamonique is QVC's brand of simulated diamonds. It's way cheaper than diamonds but has the same 'bling bling' look. I mean anyone can be fooled to think that those are real diamonds! For me, I don't mind wearing simulated diamonds as day-to-day jewellery coz they look like the real deal and more importantly if anything happens to it you won't be too devastated. Especially now with all this 'ragut' cases in Msia. So keep the real diamonds for special occasions and as an investment. I have to confess, I'm a real sucker for diamonds and I just can't get enough of it. So with these simulated diamonds I can actually indulge myself without breaking the bank.

There's so many things that I want to get so I've got to start making a list and start prioritising. Actually, you can always get jewellery as an anniversary or birthday gift from your other half so don't have to spend much there. Before I go back home to Msia, I really want to get a set of porcelain tableware. I'm want to go Stoke on Trent to the factory shops of Portmerion and Wedgewood. I love the Portmerion designs especially the Botanical Gardens range. Wedgewood is not a favourite of mine plus many Msians go for this brand of tableware.

Anyway, back to diamonds and jewellery. I prefer buying gold in Msia coz Msian gold is of better quality and much cheaper than the ones here. I mean here you have to spend quite a lot even for 9ct gold where as in Msia 9ct gold is considered of low quality. The common ones in Msia are mostly 24ct gold jewellery. But in terms of simulated diamonds, I don't think they're as good in Msia as the ones I've seen here. Anyhow, it's all up to personal preference. Even so, diamonds are always a girls best friend...

Scrapbooking

This afternoon I've been watching QVC (a home shopping channel) coz they've dedicated the whole day for crafting. Every time they have a Craft's Day I get really excited coz they sell lots of card making and scrapbooking kits. And I really like to watch the examples of cards and scrapbooks you can make out of the kits. They're so pretty and it makes me want to buy all these kits so that I can make my own cards and scrapbooks. I'm planning to get at least 2 scrapbooking kits before I leave UK for good coz I'm really planning on making a scrapbook of our wedding and possibly a scrapbook for our first born child.

For the wedding scrapbook, I'm planning put pictures of our akad, kenduri at both my house and Shah's place and also the pics from our photoshoot in the studio. Also I'm going to put in he cards we got and everything associated with our wedding. I'm so excited thinking of all the things I want to put into the scrapbook!! And when we have our first baby (InsyaAllah) I want to make a scrapbook of the baby's first year coz I'm planning on giving it to him/her on their 18th birthday. I want to put into the scrapbook the baby's hospital tag, a lock of the baby's hair pics and so much more.

I think scrapbooking is really great coz it's a much more exciting and interesting way of presenting ur pictures. And it's great for capturing a particular memorable or historical event. I got hooked on scrapbooking earlier this year after watching QVC and I really want to start my own scrapbook soon. I just need to find the time and money to start the project. But once I start I'm sure I'll get hooked on it!!

No specific title

We didn't do anything exciting today. I'm just browsing ebay while thinking of something interesting to blog about. I've always browsed through ebay but have never taken the courage to get an account and start bidding. Usually I search ebay to look for designer handbags and shoes..the two things I'm addicted to. I've always wanted a Dior butterfly saddle bag or a Dior Girly Boston bag but I need to save up enough money to get them. *Abg..if you're reading this..hint hint...*


Dior Girly Boston bag

But if I do decide to get them on ebay, I've got to make sure they're authentic. Saying that, if I were to find a good quality immitation version I won't mind geting it coz I wont want to blow off hundreds of £'s or even Ringgit's just for a bag. Some might disagree but that's just how I feel.

Enough about ebay and bags..I forgot to mention that last Tuesday, while walking back from work after the 36hr rainfall finally stopped, Shah and I saw a hedgehog. It was looking rather lost in front of one of the houses on Lace Street. I was worried that it would wander onto the main road and get squashed by a passing car but the hedgehog turned into City Road. So I think it'll be ok since there are a few houses on City Road which have large back gardens where the hedgehog can find shelter. Shah thinks the hedgehog might have lived in one of the gardens on City Road but it had to find a new place coz the garden is currently under construction. Anyway, we tried to look for the hedgehog yesterday but there was no sign of it. We're hoping it found a better place to make a new home.

I've got to stop now..nak gi masak cekodok pisang.

Knackered..

Got home from work today and felt really tired. I think I'll just have a rest tonite. Maybe I''ll have a look through some of my research notes while watching some tv. I really felt drained after coming home from work. I just can't figure out why. I'm probably in need of a long rest and I just might take some days off from work since my supervisor is away until 24th August.

Anyway...I'm too tired to write anything interesting today. So I'll just leave it at that. Ta ta people...I'm going to have a lie in.

How to instill self discipline?

I'm currently finding it so very hard to stick to my thesis write up plan these days so you can say I'm lacking in self discipline. I was chatting to one of my friends this morning and it seems I'm not the only one having this problem. With this in mind I pushed my self to do some writing today and, as of 11pm, managed to get 3 full pages of text. By the look of it, 3 pages is not much of an accomplishment since I'm supposed to complete a 200++ page thesis by the end of October. But if my calculations are correct, writing 3 pages a day for the next 60 days (sept. and oct.) will give me 180 pages so I might just be able to finish my thesis by then.

Now I just need to discipline myself to stick to the plan of writing at least 3 pages a day. Writing about something you've done about 1-2 years ago is really hard not just coz it's just been too long since you've done it but it gets much harder when your brain just can't seem to form a coherent sentence to explain what you've done. My brain at the moment is having these problems. I just hope I can jog this brain of mine to start working properly A.S.A.P.

Anyway, by hook or by crook I have to finish my thesis by 31 October 2004, insyaAllah. 'O Allah, please give me the strength to see this through. Amin...'

First love

It's been 3 days since I last wrote. We had a quiet weekend really. I got some work done..well actually very little work done. But we did watch a few good movies. On Saturday we went to Beeston and rented 2 DVD's..'Runaway Jury' and 'Jeepers Creepers 2'. So there were those 2 movies to watch and added to that there was 'The Shawshank Redemption' and 'Devdas' on TV. Shah and I just love Shawshank Redemption. I think it's a well made movie in terms of its plot and character development. More importantly, the movie just shows how patience and perseverence can make you achieve just anything you want, God willing.

Anyway, on to the next movie. I'm not a fan of Bollywood, but after hearing people talk about 'Devdas' I thought (since it's on TV and I have nothing interesting to do) I just might watch it . It's main theme is about how your first love will always be your one and true love and nothing will ever replace it. In my mind that is very touching and quite true infact. Only with your first love will you understand how much you heart fills with joy when you hear their voice over the phone after a long day. And how you just can't seem to get anything right if you can't speak to him/her even for a day. It's also with your first love will you truely understand how much you it hurts if you quarrel and how much you long to make things better quickly before either one of you says something that might make you lose them for ever. Those are the joys and heartache of love.

Shah is my first love and I really, truely and honestly believe that nothing can replace him. We've been through so much together and I don't think I can easily forget all that has happened between us be it good or bad. I've grown dependant on him and I just can't picture myself without him. I just pray that our love for each other is strong enough to endure anything that comes our way and that everything will work out fine between us. I also pray that we'll be blessed by Allah with a happy and long lasting marriage.

How fast time flies..

It's already Wednesday! Mid-week is here and there's just 2 days left till the weekend. Gosh! Time flies so very fast these days. I sometimes forget what day it is cause my small brain just can't keep up with the time. Each week comes and goes and sometimes when I come to the weekend I can't see what I've accomplished during the week. Thinking about how fast time flies makes me scared coz it's one of the signs of 'Kiamat'. It's really scary coz I don't think I've done enough to book myself a comfy place in heaven. There's just not enough good deeds to out weigh my bad deeds. I seriusly must reorganise my days to fit in more time after prayer to read the Quran or do some zikir and spend less time watching the TV and surfing the net. So on that note, I think I'll stop here for today. I pray that Allah allows me some more time to repent for my wrong doings and increase my good deeds...insyaAllah.

P/S: On a lighter note, I can't believe that come December I'll be 1/4 of a century old. My, my, my..I'm getting old. The funny thing is I always forget my age! Almost everytime people ask me my age the first number that comes to my mind is 18. I guess in my heart of hearts I still feel 18. I find it very strange that I keep forgetting my age coz when they ask I have to pause a while to calculate. That is really ambarrassing coz eveyone remembers their age!

Stressed and worried

Shah has been stressed today and I got stressed trying to make Shah feeling better which I didn't succeed at. I dunno why but I'm just not good with words especially when I'm confronted with a situation where I need to console or give support to other people. I think I'm better at it with friends but when it comes to loved ones...I'm stumped. It's not that I'm not empathic it'd just that I can't express it with words. What I intended to say just doesn't come out right and I usually end up in big trouble. I try my best but clearly my best is not enough and I just don't know what to do now. Sometimes I just keep quite and hope that everything will turn out fine but I can't keep on doing that. My loved ones turn to me for help because I'm closest to them. But instead I fail them. I don't want to carry on like this. There must be a way to make me be a better confidante. And what makes me more upset is that it happens to me only when I'm dealing with the people I care most. That makes them think that I put friends/strangers first before them which I don't mean to do.

Well...I guess the best thing to do to get me out of these situations is to think first before saying anything. I just need to engrave that in my brain.

Problems with Blogger

Last nite I wrote an entry (not long but at least I wrote something) but it didn't come out. I could only see the title. It was probably coz there was an error on the 'create post' page. Ayyway, what I wanted to say last nite was that I found a cool site (myfreearcade.com ) where you can play arcade games online. I really liked it coz it had classic games like Pacman and Tetris. They also have Space Invaders but I'm not sure if it works coz I couldn't load the game. At least with this site, whenever I feel bored at the office I can play the game for a while. And I added a mood icon too. Check it out! I like it coz it's drawn as cartoon characters by hand.

I'm waiting to go for my weekly meeting with my supervisor so I can't write too much. So I'll write again tonite..maybe. Got to go now.

Relaxing too much?

Today has been a fun filled day. We woke up early and had a walk along the canal to the city. Even though there was a slight drizzle, we had a nice walk. We had to take a slightly longer route near Castle Marina coz of a dog that was barking and coming towards us. I was slightly afraid of the dog but more importantly I didn't want the dog to come near me coz then I'll have to 'samak' my jeans. Anyway, we got to catch the 10:30am Spiderman 2 movie at UGC Cinemas coz we've wanted to watch it ever since we saw the trailer a few month's ago. The movie was quite good with lots of action. We like to go and watch early morning shows coz the tickets much cheaper and it's not too crowded. After the movie we just walked around and went to a few shops. I got myself some clothes...Shah too. When we got home we didn't do much. Just watched TV, played Scrabble..relaxing basically.

Sometimes I feel guilty when we relax too much coz I keep thinking about the heap of work I need to complete. But then again if I worked 9-5 every day of the week, I'd just go mad. Maybe having a rest on one day of the week is acceptable but that nagging feeling always tend to creep up. Is it a rule that when you are doing ur PhD, you're not allowed to have a life? Not allowed to to do anything else but your PhD work 24-7? Well, it seems so. It seems that those who finish their PhD on time are the kind of people who eat, sleep at their office..workaholics basically. But I'm not one so I just need to organise my time efficiently. Hope it works.